Right Where She Needs Him
by Morbidmuch
Summary: "He hasn't allowed himself to grieve; grieve for the life that was lost, for the wedge it drove between them." Part Three in my Spencer/Natalie installment.


**A/N: **Part Three in my Spencer/Natalie series, the first ones being Can I Hold You, and Initiative Comes To Thems That Wait. I'm currently working on a multi-chapter story with these characters, which should be up in a couple of months. Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Criminal Minds, only my original characters.

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**Right Where She Needs Him**

She wakes up by the sound of footsteps on the stairs; the seventh step that always creaks. Eyes open, she stares into the dark room. The illuminated numbers on her alarm clock is showing right after 2AM. The bedroom door opens soundlessly, but she can hear his breaths and the slight limp of his left leg. She sighs softly; he's been overexerting his leg again. Though he can probably tell that she's awake, she doesn't move or make a sound as she hears him undress. The covers are pulled back and she shivers for a second before he slides in behind her and pulls the covers over both of them.

"Natalie, are you awake?" he asks softly, extending his arm to wrap around her middle and pulling her back against his chest. His heart breaks a little when he feels her soft stomach, and he wills his thoughts away from thinking about that day, the day that changed everything. Even though she doesn't answer him, he can tell she's awake. When it's apparent that he won't get a response, he sighs and kisses her hair. "I love you."

A silent tear falls down Natalie's cheek when she hears the dejection in his voice, but she still can't bring herself to respond to him. Instead she snuggles deeper in her pillow and tries to go back to sleep.

The next time she wakes up it's morning, and she sits up gingerly, brushing back her hair behind her ears. Her eyes take in the sight of his clothes hanging on the back of the chair, and when she turns her head to look at the time, her heart melts. A single sunflower lies on the nightstand, a red ribbon tied around the stem. She rises, reaches for her robe lying on the floor, and pulls it on before taking the sunflower in her hand and walking downstairs.

The house is filled with light, the sun shining through the windows creating a feeling of spring. Classical music is heard from the kitchen, and she recognizes the piece as the third movement from Beethoven's 4th symphony. She can't help the smile that tugs at the corners of her mouth; he can be so predictable sometimes. He always plays the 4th symphony when he's in a good mood, which is also when he makes her French toast for breakfast. As she enters the kitchen, her stomach does a flip when she sees Spencer standing by the stove, dressed in sweatpants and a faded Cal Tech shirt and with his hair curling around the collar. Natalie is quiet as she walks up behind him, clutching the sunflower in her right hand and raising her left to rest lightly on his back.

Spencer doesn't tense when he feels Natalie's hand on his back; he felt her as soon as she entered the kitchen. Lifting the last French toast from the pan and placing it on a plate, he puts down the spatula and turns to face her. Her eyes look tired, but there's a small smile on her face.

"Hey. Thank you for the flower."

"Good morning. I made you French Toast."

Natalie hates the hesitant look on his face, and the fact that she put it there. If she could turn back time and do over the last two months, she would. But she knows she can't, all she can do is try to mend what have been strained, fix what have been broken. She takes the first step immediately, stepping in and wrapping her arms tightly around Spencer's midsection, resting her head on his chest. Feeling his heart thump beneath her ear, the warmth radiating from his body, makes tears appear in the corners of her eyes. She clings to him tighter, wishing she could open him up and crawl inside. Somewhere in the back of her mind she registers that this is the closest she's been to him since _it_ happened.

"_How's the house hunting going?" Natalie asked, taking a bite of her Caesar salad. Like every Tuesday, she had lunch with her older sister at a cafe close to both their jobs. _

_Kate sighed and took a sip of her coffee. "Not good. We can't find anything that suits us."_

"_You'll find something soon enough," Natalie smiled, her hand reaching down absentmindedly to rub her stomach. She winced as she felt a cramp run through her._

"_You okay?" Kate asked, worried._

_Natalie nodded, still wincing a bit. "I'm fine, I've just been having cramps all day. I was cramping when I was pregnant with Ava as well, so it's nothing to worry about." _

"_Are you sure? You look a bit pale." _

_Natalie chuckled. "I'm fine, Kate, really. I do need to get back to work however, I have a lot to do this afternoon, and I don't want to be home too late." She stood up and prepared to get her purse, but a loud gasp coming from Kate stopped her._

"_Natalie, you're bleeding!" _

_Natalie looked down, and felt panic rising when she saw the line of blood running down her bare thigh. She looked up at Kate in panic. What happened next went by in a blur. Everything was hazy as Kate started panicking, pulling Natalie with her to the car to drive to the hospital. They rushed into the ER; Kate frantic, Natalie almost catatonic. _

"_My sister is 13 weeks pregnant and she's bleeding!" Kate's frantic voice penetrated through the thick fog, and Natalie wondered why her sister was being so loud. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realized she was in shock._

_It didn't take more than five minutes for them to be led into an exam room. Natalie could see the doctor and Kate speaking, but she couldn't hear a word of what they were saying. Then Kate grabbed her arm, and the fog lifted._

"_You need to get up on the table while the doctor gets an ultrasound machine." _

_Mechanically, Natalie did what she was told, climbing up on the paper covered table. She lay back, staring up into the ceiling. There was a small crack right above her head, and if she squinted it almost looked like a gun. _

_Gun._

_Spencer. _

_She needed to call Spencer._

"_Where is Spencer, Natalie?" Kate said, and Natalie realized she had been talking out loud. _

_She turned her head to look at Kate. "Wyoming. On a case. I shouldn't bother him." _

"_He needs to know. Where's your phone?" Kate grabbed Natalie's purse and rifled through it looking for her phone. Natalie looked back up at the ceiling. _

"_Hey, Spencer, it's Kate. You need to call me as soon as you hear this, it's important." _

_The doctor came back with the ultrasound, and the reality of what was happening hit Natalie. Tears started to leak from her eyes. She wanted Spencer; _needed_ Spencer. She was so scared. _

_The doctor performed the ultrasound, and the look on her face confirmed Natalie's fears. She had lost the baby. What a strange expression; lost the baby. As if she'd misplaced it somewhere and couldn't find it. She was given a pair of scrubs to change in to, and she did so, throwing her dress and underwear down in the plastic bag presented to her. They were ruined. She never wanted to see them again anyway. _

"Natalie?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He steps back, grabbing her chin lightly and tipping her head up so their eyes meet. "Why are you sorry?"

She sniffs, and reaches up a hand to brush away her tears. "How I've been acting these past months. I haven't been fair to you."

Raising his hand, Spencer rests it at the juncture of her neck, stroking the skin gently. "You lost a baby…"

"_We_ lost a baby," she corrects him. "It wasn't just me it happened to; it was you as well."

Forgetting all about the French toast, Spencer grabs Natalie's hands and leads her over to the window seat overlooking the garden. It's her favorite place of the house, and the thing that made them buy it over the other houses they looked at. Sitting her down, he kneels in front of her.

"The miscarriage was _not_ your fault. I know you blame yourself, but you shouldn't. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening."

He remembers that day like it was yesterday. It had been almost midnight when he walked off the plane, turning on his cellphone. The missed call was several hours old, and he thought nothing more about it on his way home. It wasn't until he got home and saw Kate's car parked out front that he got the nagging feeling in his stomach that something was wrong. Once inside he had been met by his sister-in-law, sitting in the kitchen drinking tea. It was she who had informed him of Natalie's miscarriage.

Her warm hand on his cheek pulls him back to the present, and he sighs. Grateful to be pulled away from that memory, Spencer rests his hands on her knees, sliding them up to circle around her waist. Neither one of them moves, they just sit in their embrace. Natalie's fingers are running through his hair, nails scraping his scalp and sending shivers down his spine. He hasn't allowed himself to grieve; grieve for the life that was lost, for the wedge it drove between them. He needed to be strong, to try to keep his family together. But now, with his arms wrapped around Natalie's warm body, his head buried in his stomach, he feels the emotion he has buried deep inside him for so long burst forward.

Tears pools in Natalie's eyes when she feels Spencer's body start to shake with tears. She doesn't know what to do other than hold him tighter to her body. Her body is shaking almost as much as his as she slides down to join him on the floor. It's not a comfortable position by any means, but she doesn't really care at the moment.

Spencer's tears are silent, so she doesn't know exactly when he stops. When he lifts his head to look at her, the traces of tears on his face are gone and the only evidence they existed is the redness in his eyes. Slowly, like it's the first time, he leans up and carefully presses his lips against hers. Her heart does a double beat; it's been too long since they kissed, in fact, since they had any sort of physical contact. She returns the kiss eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck and curling her fingers in his hair. They kiss until Natalie's lungs are burning with lack of air, and she still doesn't want to pull away. But she has to, and she reluctantly do.

"I love you, so much," she says softly. Her heart is swelling over with all the emotions, and she's so sick of crying.

"You and Ava are the most important things in my life. I love you, Natalie. I always will."

Natalie smiles, and strokes his cheek. It´s going to take some time and a lot of effort, but she knows now that they'll be okay.

Everything's going to be okay.

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Like it? Loathe it? Love it? Let me know.


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